It’s been over 2 year now since my first miscarriage. I still think everyday what could’ve been. Were you a boy? A girl? Were you going to be football player? Surgeon? Lawyer? Everyday I think about it. What hurt the most was that it was my first pregnancy. And we tried SO hard for you. I took years to get pregnant with you, and it was taken away from me so fast. I received a positive, then a week later I was told I was losing you. I was so happy, then that happiness was taken away from me so fast. You see, I also had no idea what I was going to expect either. I thought I would bleed for a few days then it would be over. I was so wrong.
I had to see a fertility specialist to even get pregnant. I was taking birth control at 16 and my periods had just stopped coming. I mean, I was 16 so I didn’t really care. Who wants a period at 16? I sure as hell didn’t. Then my husband and I decided we wanted to have a baby. We tried and tried and tried, with no success. We moved to another state and saw that there was a fertility center right off of our exit! Cool right? So shortly after we made our first appointment. If you’ve ever had to go to a fertility center, you know that they always rule the man out first. It’s the easiest since all they do is check the sperm count. My husband was producing triple the amount the average male his age should. Which was great, but then I knew I was the problem. I can’t even explain to you the feelings that came over me. Was I meant to even have kids? Why am I the issue? Why can’t my body get pregnant on it’s own? Since I stopped getting my period, I wasn’t ovulating. A few shots in the butt and medications later, I found out I was pregnant.
1 in 8 women experience infertility. 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage. These topics need to be talked about more. I applaud the women that have to go through IVF or anything of that nature to have a baby. If you are reading this and you have had to experience infertility or a miscarriage, you are not alone.
What no one talks about with miscarriages is how painful and excruciating it is physically and mentally. When the doctors told me my HCG(pregnancy hormone) was dropping and I was miscarrying, they told me to get some ice cream and take a few days off of work. I didn’t know how horrible the pain was going to be. It felt like a knife cutting my uterus, I could barely walk. No one told me the amount of blood I was going to experience that I needed to wear an adult diaper. No one told me all of the clots I was going to pass, and with each clot that passed I couldn’t help but think… is that the baby? It was horrifying.
And ya know, I know people try to help. But if you’re reading this I FUCKING BEG YOU to please not say any of these phrases to someone that is going through a miscarriage or experiencing infertility.
“Maybe it’s not the right time”
“Maybe you’re not meant to have kids”
“At least you already have a child”
“God needed him/her more than you did”
I know you’re trying to help, we all know. But please don’t say things of that nature, you are doing more harm than good. Send a care package with some chocolates, maybe a nice book.
I hope one day these topics are talked about more, so people can know that they did NOTHING wrong. It is NOT your fault, you did NOT cause this to happen. I will never understand why these things happen to women, but we are here for you.
You are not alone.